I can’t live like this…. I did something horribly stupid tonight but it stopped me from crying uncontrollably and coughing and being hysterical. I couldn’t breathe for a minute, just cry and gasp and choke and it was miserable. And I can’t do this. And I wish there was something I could say.
It only matters in one way to one thing but the only thing I can is the truth to someone who isn’t. And what if… Lots of what ifs….
Tonight all I wanna do is walk outside, turn a corner and disappear. Nobody needs to know where I went. And maybe someday I’ll come back. But I can’t do that cause I’m a weak person. I can’t sleep right or do my homework or study or eat. Something is my lower back stings right about now and I keep just getting really hot and terrible stomach pains right now. And I can’t take it… I can’t take anything… And just… I’m soo stupid. I’m so so stupid right now.
The only thing for me to do when people is upset is put myself aside to comfort them and then they think things are fine. But that’s a complete lie. Then they prance off tra la la and I’m alone again… And I’m….. I dunno what to say… It’s like being in love with poison….
To hell with holiday romantics. December is for cynics. Let’s get high on art supplies.
