Well I just thew up, like legitimately puked, for the first time since I was five years old and had pneumonia so bad. It was interesting. It would sound stupid to say it was fun or something, but I didn’t mind it. Not because it was fun. My jaw felt odd, and it tasted bad, and not cool. But it was something completely new to experience. Something for me that I hadn’t ever felt anything life before, or more so didn’t remember.
Our lesson for today kiddies is that 250mgs of tramadol and food, though perhaps just doughnuts and perhaps simply because of how sugary they are to begin with, do not mix well.
On a brighter note I’m stupidly happy. My best chickadee is on the other end of the couch from me in one of my favorite hoodies and wrapped up in sheets and a table cloth sleeping. We’re leaving for church in an hour and a half. Dave Person the very epic is about 3 inches from my hip resting his head on the couch but laying on floor asleep. Jerry’s playing video games as usual. And here we are just chillin’ at Dave’s apartment [well his dad's but who's counting?]. There’s no food, but ramen and cheese. 
And there’s a communal ramen bowl. I decorated it with sharpies, and a baseball.
On top of all of this I feel incredible and happy. Jason, who I feel stupid calling my best friend but who is, is home from Canada and very pleased with how things went. I’m jazzed to tell him about what’s been going on since he left and to hear about Canada.
On top of all of that further, there’s the boyfriend. It’s stupid to sit around being gooey about the situation and sappy. But on the other hand, right now I want to. Let’s face it; sometimes Craig drives me crazy and really severely annoys me. But finding the right person isn’t about finding the perfect person, but rather the imperfect person whose flaws you can love.
Craig is my opposite in a lot of ways. He balances me out. He’s fundamentally everything I’ve wanted. And he’s a lot of things I needed but didn’t realize til I had him. As if being this put together responsible has goals kid wasn’t enough, there’s so much more.
I feel like an idiot going on forever Especially while my eyes keep sliding shut, but I’m gonna continue anyways.
On top of everything else, he cares about me. Like REALLY cares. I know he’s a typical boy like to the max, but I can honestly say he really gives a shit about me. Taking care of every emotional fit I could have may end up being a chore someday. The more comfortable I get with someone the mood I can let my true emotions bleed through.
I digress. I’m not sure exactly what it is about him that draws me to him. What it is that’s practically and inexplicable enchanting. But it’s there. Of all the people, all the places, all the weird circumstances… That I would run into him at a show and that a night of looking to get laid would turn around his views about me. That the next night would turn my views around about him. That that same night at Champ he would call me at like 4 am upon returning from Jimmy’s just to talk. Or that in the days to follow he would text me and talk me into calling him because he wanted to hear my voice before he went to sleep.
How about how he would come in and find me before and after work and lay around with me. That he would play guitar and be amazing at it. That he would remember all the random times that we’d crossed paths before. That he’s be stupidly cute and make the best faces, and dinosaur noises. That he’s be willing to do so much for me and that I don’t understand why.
Mostly, that he would love me. Somehow, despite all the crazy and flaws and sexual shyness and frustration I must put him through, that he would love me. That he does love me, and that I don’t have a doubt about it when he says it. That even though we constantly bicker that I still feel like things are just… RIGHT.
That that all sounds really stupid and immature but I can’t help it. I like him more than anyone should who’s been dating someone for barely 2 months. But I’m like a moth to a candle with him. Fascinated. Drawn in from the beginning. Something about all of this is just… correct.
Things feel in place here.
So here I am… Same people sleeping and Jerry still playing video games. Here I am thinking about how lucky I would get for my life to work this way. Here I am counting down the hours till boy gets off work because I just have an overwhelming desire to hug him, hold him, latch on to him, whatever, and just stay there for a while and tell him just how much I love him.
I sound like such an idiot right now, and I don’t care.
It’s time to set an alarm for 6 am, take a little 45 minute nap.
