Archive for October, 2006

I think in decimals and dollars…

 Not really. I like that song though.

I have a Carrie complex… Laying around thinking too much and depressing yourself.

Tonight was sheer bad… Rotten to the core. Today was amazing. I made an awesome scene kid I thought (but I have no pictures cause I forgot batteries, Carrie had none and by the time I got home I was just so ready for today to be over that I took none).

On the flip side Halloween died. I’m not even eating any candy tonight. I feel like I completely missed one of my favorite holidays in the world. Worse yet I thought it’d be amazing. Thought that… Don’t wanna think what happened or what I thought. Too depressing. And my mom hates me hair. =[ That makes me so sad for no reason. And Laura thinks I did something I didn’t. And my stomach hurts.

I worry about my friends… Soo fucking much.



I love it, but I dunno if I’m sXc enough for it (that means I’m not).

I need to eat and sleep before I die. I usually hate Tuesdays. Hopefully the only bad thing about tomorrow will be gym.

Scene kid for Halloween!

Okay firstly I’m an amazing drive, as soon as I get down turns and uhm, oh yeah, seeing the front of the car. -.- Damnit I’m so fucking short. Haha. It’s okay though. And turn signals? That’s my favorite part. I look for excuses to use them. Mirrors are teh suck as is looking for cars when pulling out. Traffic? I will loathe it imenseley maybe. At least backing out… And I give it too much gas. But give me credit for my first time REALLY driving (like practicing skills and such).

So Michelle’s party… So first I got there early avec “the band” (that’s weird cause one’s my boyfriend, one’s, well, Nate might as well be related to me or something and the other I’ve known since forever). I helped Michelle and Jason put on eyeliner (Jason was an emo kid and it was cute but he doesn’t believeeeee me!). And Jason’s hair was black. And I sprayed Rachael’s hair pink and she sprayed mine pink and blue. (My lungs are technicolor now… oy…)

So actual party time was rad. It really started for me when Carrie got there. See, by this time the band was playing and the rest of the people were arriving so it was kinda like murgh? And still light out. But then my Carrie baby got there. So we jumped around and danced. And we screamed to Taking Back Sunday and whatever that song from Mean Girls was that’s cool.

We jumped around and danced. And now I think I’m gonna get my hair cut kinda like Karen’s but longer and with more slanty bangs. (No I won’t… I’m not indie or scene enough to pull that off with the way I dress… It’s Carrie’s shirt influencing me to be indie. BTW, I have her shirt and I’m in lust with it. And she has mine and looks soo cute in it. I have Michelle’s gloves too. ANYWAYS!)

Yeah… so maybe no haircut. And Jason is VERY opposed to this idea. Not that if I really want it done, I won’t do it just cause of him, but I have no burning desire to really do many things, so I won’t get my hair cut.

Speaking of Jason, he woke me up at 6:18 am yesterday. =] Hehe. That was early, but it’s okay. And he danced with me too at the party (yes, dancing consists of jumping up and down and twisting torsos and moving arms and pseudo swing dancing). He even jumped up and down to the Fall Out Boy song with me. ❤ Aww isn’t he great? (Okay stafoo meeee…)

Well, then I got sick. And felt icky. But once again I had a Jason there and he made me feel kinda better. And then we got in a fight about something stupid. And then I felt bad. But then something amazing happened; he called me back out of the middle of nowhere and apologized. Yeah… God I’m being such a girl today. Somebody slap me. 0.0

Now I really gotta clean up my room some and do my english project.

There’s new pictures on my myspace (unless you’re Chelsea or Jason and have no myspace… Losers.)

And soon I’m making a video of sorts to put up there. A collection of things. Other Chelsea and Laura, you guys should help. =]

And Jason should too but you’re too much of a busy silly loser face to help. =P

No but really I wanna get shit from EVERYONE cause all I have now is me and Chelsea and me and other Chelsea and me and Laura doing stupid stuff. So the next few months or weeks or wtfever, let’s all make lotsss and lotsss of movies so that I don’t put out something REALLY boring (it’ll only be kinda boring).

Oh wtf, I’m a loserface…

Michelle’s party kicked major ass, I love my Carrie to fucking death, the band is good (I would say them by their name, but I feel silly saying it… not gonna lie), I love Jason much more than my cell phone or my guitar or my iPod or like anything, I do love my new camera though (it’s not actually mine it’s my dad’s, but I can use it whenever and it was used by some pro photographer so it rocks ass), Carrie’s shirt and Michelle’s gloves both make me happy, and HALLOWEEN IS TUESDAY!!!

Halloween and the Fourth of July are two of my favorite holidays. Costumes and fireworks. Excuses to be crazy and light fires. Yeah…

Really brief recap (because I’m going driving in 4 minutes).

Last night was Michelle’s party. Gotta tell you about that one… I look hot right now. Just had to add that. Okay not so much hot as adorable. It’s soo cute. =] haha.

I have lots of pictures (not as many as I should’ve taken… bad Sarah).

There’s some videos of Jason’s band… You can’t SEE them but you can HEAR them play parts of Fell in Love with a Girl by the White Stripes (my camera is a professional quality camera but is old enough that it only takes 15 second videos… unless I had been smart enough to set the picture res. so as to make the videos a minute long… I’m a dumbass sometimes).

So yeah. They played that twice because me asked them to play it a second time (perks!).

I’m gonna go on though if I don’t stop and it’s about time to go drive. I’ve got two projects to do and a shower to take and something else if I can work it out. Time to go. Byes!

OMFG Sarah had an epiphany of sorts?

It started with watching that video of Genvieve and Lauren on myspace (don’t ask why… I was bored). So then I went and found all the videos I could on the other computer… Me and Laura and me and Chelsea and me and the other Chelsea and such. And I realized something…

Last year starting like April, end of March I got in progressively better and better moods… By summer I was smiley a lot. And now school’s come around and I feel like punching someone in the face and saying “cunt” a lot.

It’s seasonal thing! I’m gonna not dress right or socialize correctly or have a grip on things completely till after the new year and won’t feel smiley till probably March. But at least I made a realization?

I was also thinking back to some conversations of the past… And by that I mean times over summer when I sat up on the computer till 5 am and literally ONLY talked to Jason for like 3 hours straight. I miss times like that. And times when he’d come over in the middle of the night and stay till 6 am… The time I got grounded cause my mom found us asleep in my bed Sunday morning…

I’m not even gonna pretend I’m not sad about how today went (by today I mean Friday). Today Saturday… I dunno. I have a feeling that I’ll still be able to go to Michelle’s. I hope that’s the party that brings me back a little bit and makes me feel better.

I wanted to make a movie tonight. But fatigue is setting in. I have a project due Monday, one due Tuesday and make up work. =/ I don’t wanna worry about any of that but too little too late? Yeah.

It’s raining hard. I love the sound it makes. My stomach hurts. I wish it was summer.

Things can never be like summer again which depresses me more than any of you will ever know. This summer? Well, I got a friendly reminder from my partner in crime (at least in English class) Heather that the summer between sophmore and junior year is the summer of love (actually I dunno but she said so so whatever).

I miss my Chelsea and my Laura and our days of nothingness and cameras and whipped cows. I miss sitting around Laura’s house all night jumping on beds and making fun of our 8th grade French teacher and me being a Spanish whore.

I miss feeling good. I miss plans working out.

I walked in at a good time. I swear not to walk out when things are bad.

This probably isn’t even the last post. *dies*

It’s a fan fic and yesss I am soooooo past my fan fic phase, no worries. My sister wrote that and I think it’s good. Prety much anyways. It reminds me of how I used to write.

Me and Amy could never write GOOD short stories simply because we suck at character development. Like my vampire story? Nearly a hundred pages of amazingness. But my short stories? Oh they suck because the characters have no substance.

Sigh… We’re cursed, me and her.

PS: I wish I used my Compaq (aka not my laptop) cause it has a place on the front for CDs and, let’s be honest, it’s got more room and is maybe faster? But no internet…

And I hate firefox!!! OMFG. I downloaded it right? It’s the stupidest piece of stupid web browser. Yuck. I hated IE… I did. But I hate firefox more. Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck.

I have to go snatch vids of me and Chelsea from my computer and maybe put the compaq’s hard drive in it? Who am I kidding… I won’t get back to data recovery for another several weeks…

*wrinkly nose face*

Today was icky. And I’m disappointed but not for why you’d think.

I miss the days me, Chelsea, and Laura would stay up all night at Laura’s house with the camera and just rock the world. Ahh man… I want my best friends back.

This year’s falling apart because I’m really stupid.

In case you were wondering what all the hype about today was… well apparently it doesn’t matter.

Blogger > WordPress

Yeh… I hacked my sister’s. But I only say it’s better cause there’s kinda less features on the posting part (or I’m unobservant haha). Anyways it’s harder to navigate… So I take that back.

WordPress > Blogger


So Jason’s really sick. =[ And I’m still sick. =[ And that sucks a whole fucking lot. I hope he feels good enough to go to school at least tomorrow. I have my reasons. I’m going in tomorrow cause, well, me and Emily have a clay thing to do and I can’t miss gym. I’d better effing be there or else. Someone is shaking the angry fist at me at the thought of me staying home… I just know it.

One of my organs is swollen and it hurts like a whole lot. =/

I was disappointed. We walked to the coffee house and do you think we saw anything Brains related? Nope. Grrr growl face. The bonfire was cool, but it was freezing. But there was stars and fire (everyone go aww cause those things are …. romantic…. bhfkdg I loathe using that word…).

I’m such a chick but I can’t stand to call fires and stars romantic? WTF self?

Well whatever… We came home and Jason was just sleepy and tired.

Speaking of which, I hope I don’t have homework or a requirement to wear PJ’s cause I’m gonna turn on the Disney channel and go to bed.

Since lunch today I’ve eaten two brownies. Neither time because I was hungry, but because my stomach wouldn’t shut up. =/

I’m sick, but I don’t feel HORRIBLE. I don’t think Jason’s as sick as me but he feels absolutely dreadful. Meh. -.-

He’s going to feel achey. I’m going to be half asleep in school all day and waste away from not eating.

I hope tomorrow’s a good day. ❤

what a FUCKING STUPID week

Yeah… Mom’s idea of me driving is pulling up two feet. Whoo. I went to school today and felt icky most of the day. My side hurts.

I keep listening to The Brains. I’m debating whether or not to go see them. It’s not freezing out so I guess I will. Maybe…

I’m being kept alive by a cappuccino and a Mt. Dew. I decided I loathe soda, but all we have here is coffee. (Yes, I am slowly but surely turning into a caffeine addict… Cappuccino specifically. I’m gonna make my mom buy insta-capp. tomorrow or something.)

Uhm… let’s see… Not gonna lie; recent things make me unhappy. I mean, I dislike being ignored. I dislike it more when I get told I’m being listened to and then I find out that something I said was COMPLETELY not heard even though it got a response?

My iPod died on my way home. =/ That sucked. I have too many projects.

Heather has orange lined paper. She took my green pen, so I took her orange paper. Ha. Yay? Something.

Damn this week to hell and back. I’ve been doing some serious thinking and I don’t like the conclusions my head makes. They’re not what I want or they’re incomplete or something.

Alex taught me hexidecimals in math today (cause we already know how to solve matrices using the diagnol rule… there’s one of those in chemistry too… what is it with diagnols this week?). So now I can do shit in binary and hexidecimals. Aren’t I rad?

I watch football, wear lipgloss, play guitar, go to shows, go to bonfires, play with binary and hexidecimals, read about theoretical physics cause I think it’s fun, listen to The Brains compulsively (I wish I had the EGF CD… ghkd), text too much, know about drugs, love shoes, and understand orbital theory and matrices both are which confusing the people in those respective classes with me. I’ll wear lots of eyeliner and black nail polish and shirts from American Eagle or Wal Mart and my 10 year old sister’s clothes. I write and draw and wear sweatbands with polos.

I’m one weird chick, dontcha think? [I’m listening to Jimmy Eat World…. Why is this?]

Oh hells bells. I give up. ghjks.

I was on tv. It was scary.

I feel like crap. My phone just beeped and startled the hell out of me.

I had a coughing spasm today in math causing me to shake and have a panic attack.

Oh joy. Oh joy. Oh fucking joy.

What a wonderful world. *shoots happy people* STFU. Blah.

I’m in a weird mood. Stafoo.

My sister Amy is an amazing writer (like I used to be before I got stupid). I’m gonna put a link to her story soon.

Anyways, it inspired me to write again because as soon as I read it I just smiled and thought back… Seventh grade I wrote like her with lots of description of hair and eyes and words like pier (it’s a cool word). I miss that side of me soo much more than any of you know…

I was a writer once. I painted pictures with my words. I had a vampire story with almost 100 pages…

God, do I wanna write!

Tomorrow The Brains are playing and then bonfire. I wanna go to both? At least the bonfire.

Friday I’m gonna go ride in a trucky thing with hay (hopefully) and I recently (in the last 7 minutes) was turning over the idea of seeing Saw III. I guess I should see what Jason wants to do… BTW in case you didn’t figure it out, Friday’s kinda a important like day.

Speaking of Jason, for as much as I bitch about him I seem to never find the time to mention when he’s being really sweet (I hope I didn’t just jinx things). So today he was being very nice… And such.

Shower time! (I get to be naked and soapy… Shame you all have to miss it isn’t it?)

so here’s the jist of things

I’m changing apparently. And people don’t like this. In fact, they’re strongly opposed to it.

My response? Go fuck yourselves. People change. If you don’t like me anymore, don’t associate with me.

I’ve told you all time and time again that I have a bitch side. I have a shallow arrogant side. Oh get the fuck over it. I act like who I am. And I’m sick of filtering this side out. Fuck you. I’m mean sometimes and I don’t care if you know it anymore.

The Brains are playing at Courthouse Commons again either tonight or tomorrow night (tomorrow night I hope). I may go see them again (at least for a while). This could be an issue as I wanna go watch fires with bon in the name.

Bonfire, The Brains… Burning shit, kids on drugs….

BTW, drugs aren’t the fucking devil. I mean, seriously. Stop saying that people that try shit are like soo much lower than the rest of the population. It’s just not true. I mean, sure, kids that are just using drugs to escape, well okay that’s not so good. People that pop pills now and again or smoke a little weed aren’t like nazis or something.

Lots of my friends either do drugs or used to or do infrequently. Guess what? They aren’t all satan. (They are mostly losers like me though.)

post whore much?

This is the unimportant before school (and what I forgot I wanted to write last night) ranblings of Sarah. I’m not gonna pretend that I don’t have to leave in like half an hour and I’m laying here under the covers listening to The Brains. =]

I’m tired. It’s not usuual I didn’t sleep enough tired. It’s balls to the wall, I’m gonna fall asleep standing up tired. My right eye looks like someone hit it. My throat hurts. And my head hurts a lot. And based on how my eyes feel when I close them I either am or was running a fever. You know, my right eye even feel different. And I can’t read at clearly. It’s like swollen or something.

So the ramblings I forgot to write last night. Well, basically, I’m frustrated. When did I become that girl. The one that gets upset over stupid things and demands attention and gets into fights. The one that says “well why the hell can’t you just do this? you’re a jerk”. I used to be the cool girlfriend. And I’m not anymore. I’ve become exactly who I never wanna be.

Speaking of which… where’s Jason?

def. read at least the one RIGHT under this too

I like this post but I’m hesitant to post it tonight because of the other lengthier post down there. But I will anyways cause I wanna and trust that you’ll read both (oh come on please do say you will pleaseee I’ll love you forever and ever and besides we all know that what I right isn’t so boring that sitting through it kills you…. usually).

Copied from a myspace bulletin I posted (because I’m srsly lame as hell for that)…

this could piss some people off
this first half is boring
skip down to the bold if you wish
[that’s where the maybe pissing people off comes in]

right now homework i guess isn’t important
im blowing off a lab report to check my internet stuff
and then go to bed before 11:30 i hope?

eehmmm lets see here
tomorrow i wanna go get a new shirt
random i know
i want a long sleeved stripey shirt
weird maybe?
thursday is the bonfire
(which better be a good lead to friday)

so other than when Saw III comes out
and Chad’s birthday
and Carlisle vs. uhm… Altoona? night (i think altoona….)
on friday (this is sappy majorly ghfksjhg)
ive been going out with jason for 6 months
(stfu… that srsly almost too chickish for me to type)
yeah i feel faggy now

stuff in bold means stuff below could possibly piss some people off MAYBE but maybe not

so my true friends know who they are
and know who im referring to next

i was looking through some myspaces today
namely some of “those” people
you know those fake shallow people
the ones that i hate a lot
not naming names cuz then id
most def. piss some people off
[and it may or may not be people you
would think of now that i said that]

anyways it made me think about
the friends that i have
and how thankful i am for you guys

most of you are there for me when i have a problem
and most of you would wake up at 2 am
and listen to me cry and bitch over like
like… something small basically
and i love you all so much

hey, anybody can buy the newest phone
and listen to music on the top of the charts
[or scene music if you’re a scene kid?]
and shop and A&F and Hollister

anybody can dress and act the part
anybody that wants to be “it” can be
anyone can be popular and lead that life
it’s not so hard really

but not just anyone can get great friends that love them
and i have that you see
and i wouldnt trade that for ANYTHING
[especially some stupid “popularity” or being “it” or something gay]


the makings of a trouble maker?

The markings of a rebel?

Lmao. I’m not either and we all know it. But I’m certainly not afraid to speak my mind either.

This is from my xanga. It’s basically unrelated to everything I just said. So what. Eat me cuntbags. [old Sarah’s back?]

baby, you better open your eyes

So I’m packing my things for the misty mountains.

I’m sick. I’m angry. I’m bringing old Sarah back. So suck it.

I decided I love this weather… Late October/early November [lmao The Early November… it makes sense now?]. {BTW, I’m listening to Number Five with a Bullet by Taking Back Sunday right now. Oh yeah, baby.}

The sky is currently full of dark gray clouds and the blue is gray blue (very industrial blue), And the way the lighting is, the trees are just black silhouettes blowing agianst the sky. Blowing hard too (kinky much?). You can kinda see some colors… I lied. It looks like any minute now there should be a crack and lightning should split the sky and rain should beat the ground and lightning and thunder should roll in.

I decided I love the way the cold makes my ears numb and bites at my cheeks (but not my legs or finger tips or partially exposed chest). I decided I love the way the wind whips my hair around and hits my face.

I decided I need medicated… (I need to do my homework… that’s what I need to do. And something else.) I have a huge secret. I told Tabitha, but no one else knows. They just can’t… I can’t trust this even to myself (and it’s not so true anymore? it’s a mood thing? yeah maybe).

Hey Billy Talent! ADD…. Today = hell like. Jason just… Okay I normally wouldn’t use names but oh just fuck it now. Jason today was just like well it doesn’t matter. It was unpleasant. Lately it’s like we have fun but then close to the end it’s like it doesn’t matter anymore and it’s just bad.

I fell asleep in math class on Carrie’s hoodie. Man, I want it. It’s so soft (where the hell’s my rad ass soft orange hoodie anyways??). Oh I found it! (Bet it’s too small =[  )

Thanks everyone for petting my neck and asking me if I’m a virgin? WTF? I’m quite inclined to write (just not school stuff like I should). I’m reinspired to write dark cynical poetry (I have a lot actually… pages of it and it’s not emo).

Oh I can be such a bitch sometimes. Let’s just say that and get it out in the open. I’m somewhat selfish and totally paranoid. I’m kinda insecure and demanding and quick to judge and irrational. And I understand, but half the time I don’t give a damn.

So what do you think of that? Still love me? Yeah? No? Maybe?

Yeah… I’m done with the whole holding back thing for good. Seriously, let there be drama. Bring it the fuck on. This year needs some excitement anyways… If there’s none soon I’ll make some (but don’t worry Chels and/or other… not in the same way Laura does… no offense). Seriously, if teachers are gonna tell us we’re the worst class of kids they’ve ever had, well, let’s give this school some way to remember the class of ’09.

No joke. No lie. Let’s just let loose and be crazy. I’m soo done with rules (it’s not like they’re hard to break and get away with anyways). So to hell with school and organized what the hell ever. To hell with the rules.

Let’s get fucked up. Let’s go crazy. Let’s make this a good year.

Let’s lose our inhibitions forever…


Do you know what Friday is?

 I did half my chem lab. I’d rather get 5 points off than not sleep (I’ll just tell her my printer was out of ink and my internet broke? sounds good to me!).

I’m not crying.

It’s not that I’m not upset.

My eyes have dried up. My heart has lost hope.

I’m lost. Someone, just tell me what to do to stop this.

i’m insane; let’s get married

Let’s start with yesterday… It sucked. I’m sure you’ve realized this. Last night I felt horribly terrible. And I fell asleep crying. Woke up on the other side of the bed still clutching moo (moo = my awesome stuffed cow. stfu.)

Today… murgh. Wal Mart with my mom and sister. Then I went to Jason’s house (isn’t this always where the fun part begins? -.-). No actually I’m being mean though. I mean it was cool, then it was… not. Not even a little. Then it was better. Then there was food. Then it wasn’t so cool cause Jason was being a pensive kid who wasn’t say what he was thinking (I bet I know what he was thinking). That was interesting in it’s own way. Then everybody went to the park and it was raining. <3. Aww I love the rain. I really do. And there was a weeping willow like tree and marbles (I have two =]  ). And there were some trails and whistling kids.

So then everyone piled in to leave… And that’s when things got all murgh. Then they were okay-er. Then they were Jason doesn’t talk. But it wasn’t like nice quiet it was like weird quiet (I know I’m a psycho… durh). Blah, no one listen to me. But it was raining then too.

I wish it was now. The best way to fall asleep is listening to the rain bounce off the roof. Or to look out the window and watch it fall in sheets under the streetlight. I was in the shower today and got like mystified watching the water from the shower head hit my hips. Cause it falls just like rain, only more perfecter than rain ever could. And the little transparent specs all fall in a unified slant and hit your skin and bounce off like beads that fall off a necklace and hit the floor. It’s just pretty. I wish I had my camera. (In the shower? WTF. I’m weird. Stfu.)

Speaking of camera…. Look at this. It makes me smile on the inside. (And I look like young and innocent.) And there’s more pictures like this one that I love but they’re not online, just on my computer. And uploading them sounds like too much work.

Hehe. My current favorite adjective used to describe me is adorable courtesy Haley. Aww she’s rad.

But the hypnotic eyes thing is still high on the list. So is captivating (did I use that one or did someone else?). There were like 2 more I really liked… What were they…. Hm…. Well I can’t remember, but gosh I’m just cute.

Seriously, don’t you just wanna pick me up and hug me?? You know you do. =]

i hope you had the time of your life

I feel low. I feel lower than low. And I feel worse than I was feeling before.

So I was feeling good. Then the night went on and I had time to sit and think and started feeling upset. And then I did a stupid thing and now I just feel low. I mean, this one hurts, but at least I know now where I really stand. And what’s really meant by what’s said… Apparently what’s said isn’t what’s meant after all.

You know all those people that always insist they’re there for you? They’re all liars. Because who’s there for you at 2 am when you’re sitting up crying? No one. They’re all asleep and prefer to stay that way.

I suppose it’s selfish to expect anyone to mean it when they say that. “I’m here for you” is more of a nice phrase used to comfort people. But it’s a lie. It really is. And it’s naive to believe it when anyone says that.

There’s one person I know would wake up at anytime to talk to me, one person I can trust that’s there for me no matter what and that’s Tabitha. I’ve been up for 20 hours now. I can’t sleep, and I’m not hungry and everything right now just reminds me of how things are and how they’ll be tomorrow.

And I just can’t stop crying. It was all lies and that’s killing me.

Well I feel sick and you just don’t care. So tie my hands back and make me feel you coming down. I’m coming down. And you don’t care. You’re gone away.

If you don’t like being hurt then please don’t stay…

[that’s my cue to grab the car keys and just leave right now… you have no idea how much I just wanna walk out the door right now and never look back at this… just start completely clean… I’m not sure anything’s worth this much pain…]

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