Straight from xanga. PS: So like I’m talking to Michelle and I haven’t for a while and I talked to Nate for 4 hours last night. And both of these things are good.
And now what I wrote on la xang de bang. =] le francais mes amis!
If you know me, then you know that I’m a pretty awesome person.
[You also know that I’m an emotional wreck and a basket case.]
If you know me, you know that I try really hard to please everyone.
[Myself included, cause I can be a self-absorbed bitch.]
If you know me, you know I try not to play myself off as the victim.
[And I probably do it more than I even realize. Sorry. Honestly.]
If you know me, you know I’ve matured a lot over the last year.
[And made a lot of ugly realizations about how flawed I really am.]
If you know me, you know I’m a smart person who recognizes her flaws.
[But doesn’t always do everything to fix them. Or try to change.]
You probably know I’m pretty opionated and don’t care what people think.
[Except like most people, yeah I do to an extent.]
You know I think talking about people behind their back is bullshit.
[And that I do the same damn thing like we all fucking do. Admit it.]
You know I have a lot of good advice and explanations for things.
[That I don’t always follow and that don’t change how I feel in the same situations.]
You know that I’ll answer my phone for anyone at 3 am. That’s what friends are for.
[You also know that I have a habit of calling and waking people at 3 am.]
When I say things, they’re for real. I’m only human though like the rest of you. I can give great advice or say insightful things sometimes, but I have real trouble controlling my emotions are how I feel about things that go on in my life. It’s really hard for me to understand stuff sometimes and not just get upset about it. I’m trying to be a better person, but everything comes in due time my friends.
People don’t change over night, and outside of my emotional instability, I’m really not so bad. I get upset and jealous over the stupidest little thing [on the flip side do I get any credit at all for recognizing I do these things and admitting to them?]. I’ve gathered some wisdome and maturity in my 16 years, but there’s a lot I still don’t understand and a lotta stuff I don’t know and a lotta things I don’t do that are signs of immaturity in me still.
I know. You don’t have to tell me. I have a lot of character flaws. It’s true. Don’t try to tell me I’m awesome. I know I’m awesome. I’m pretty fucking amazing. Well, maybe not amazing, but most def. awesome. I’m smart, if you don’t think I’m pretty at the very very least I’m def. not ugly, I don’t just own a guitar… I play one too, and the same goes for my skateboard (albeit neither well). I value my friends over like everything. I have an appreciation for the music I don’t like, and I like a lot of music. I don’t care if you like it or not.
I’m rad. There’s no denying it. But my radness and friendship comes with a burden; my psychotic side. The side of me that could probably be better, and continues to get that way over time, but for now is shaky and insane. Not like truly crazy of course, but more emotional than most people. And it’s true. And it’s not cool. But we’re all dealt hands in life we don’t like, and that’s one of mine. No one else likes it either.
We all make sacrifices for each other though and most of us will get better at it… We will if we’re any sort of decent human being at the least.
I know… I barely use xanga anymore and then suddenly here’s this longwinded rant. (Long time no see right?)
Well, I got 4 hours of sleep last night and had a very interesting night. It ended with me calling Nate and him calling me back and us being on the phone for almost 4 hours and talking about a shitload of stuff. And so… Yeah. That’s all the explanation you need, since I’m not obligated to give you one anyways. I’m just nice like that.
Don’t look back. You can never look back…