Archive for April, 2007

the beatles and avril lavigne in the same sentence

=] Hehe. A little plastic figure is now on the way to kick my ass…

(Sometimes all I have is my immature taste in music. I don’t care.)

Freaken today SUCKED in some aspects… I feel rather… violated? And upset by what happened. And it just sucks. And I just… eh. It sucked. I couldn’t make them go away. And when whoever yelled “just grab the one in the black” I wanted to run. I seriously thought they were gonna try to rape us… It’s a long story that isn’t much fun to tell…

But Steph came over after work and stuff. She always ends up here later than she means too. I’ve noticed this.

I dunno where everyone is tonight. I was out all evening and then pissed. This afternoon upset me a LOT.

And now Jason’s either sleeping or ignoring my calls cause he hates me or something. Which sucks mostly cause what happened today upset me and generally when bad things happen what do I do?

I’m pathetic. I realize this.

Last night was good. Why can’t that just be how things are? But I guess not.

As much as I hate it, Steph’s completely right about everything. It just sucks is all.

And furthermore, in case I didn’t get my message across, walking home sucked. =[

Damnit… Just fuck.

I’m not the kinda girl this is supposed to happen to.


0.0 *blink blink*

omfg… I’m such a blind ditzy stupid fuckwit… until now.

Holy hell… Omg… Wow.

Uhm… Sheesh… I feel like I’ve just had this ginormous epiphany and it’s not even a big deal.

I’m sorry… I get in the way of everything… Omg… Another one!

Okay wait… I take that back. The sorry I mean. I’m not.

Awww I feel awful right now…. =/

I’ve posting shit on xanga all day that was probably better left to here just because I feel like less people read this so it tends to be more personal than my xanga but not lately. I dunno what’s wrong with me in that respect.

SoCo and old pictures have made me thoughtful the last few days. Every day just… I dunno. I can’t live like this forever and yet I’ve been doing it for almost a month and its’s kinda killing me I think. =/ Meh.

I don’t like how shit is. I’m stressed out to the max and there’s a bunch of turbulence and shit and it all sucks ass.

I’ve had some revelations that I don’t wanna accept. But I know in the back of my head what is and what isn’t and I’m leaving it at that I guess.

I hate knowing what’s gonna happen. I don’t like it. But I know come July everything is gonna be amazing. Somehow, I just know that. And I know May 1st is hardly going to be the start of the rest of my life. It’s gonna be a little more time than that. But by the end of summer life will be fine.

So, I dunno.

Sometimes I just feel like getting a group of people together and laying out on each other in a field or something.

Sometimes it’s just good to have that reassuring arm around your shoulders. It’s like a shield almost you know? You feel cared for a protected and like everyhing really will be okay.

Or maybe that’s just me.

by the way i tried to say id be there

I am rather pissed at the way some people have handled things lately. However, my people are the best indeed.

Firstly, Chelsea is freaken always amazing and always pulls through in the end no matter what.

Nate always listens to me rant and bitch and I suppose is just holding out hope that I’ll be normal again someday. Haha.

Steph sits up with me till 6 for the hell of it and watches The Breakfast Club with me and plays good music at my house and talks to me about all the bullshit in life.

Katie rocks my sockses as well and never minds me waking her up at night or at noon to talk.

Justin, well he’s Justin and he’s always been there for me in rough times. My whole entire life. And he’s like one of the few people I’ve never had a problem with.

And now fucking Love is a Boombox by Ima Robot is on my computer and I feel the need to dance.


There’s a sinking feeling in the middle of my body. And I keep feeling my own heartbeat. It’s weighing me down.

I’m exhausted and worried. I’ve been up for five hours, andĀ I slept for like 10, 11 hours. I shouldn’t be so tired.

I have a massive headache.

I worry too much. I over-analyze too much. From now on I need to just fucking go with my first instinct.

Or maybe not.

What the hell. I’m babbling.

I have no energy and no drive. I’m just kind of sad and tired.

=/ The fuck is wrong with me anyways.

Why do I always fuck everything up? Everything I try at I ruin and everything I could care less about works out without a fucking hitch. So what the hell?

I don’t have words anymore. I wanna go lay down in my bed and disappear or something.

Today I was in a car taking a turn at 100 mph in the back seat with no seat belt.

Death doesn’t scare me anymore, but maybe I should start watching out for myself more.

Hey, no one else is gonna.

There’s more on my mind than I care for there to be. However, despite there being an unpleasant surprise this morning, there was a kinda good one too.

Mmmm I really want a chance to sit down today and get the stupider thing off of my chest.


Wouldn’t it suck if life was fucked forever?

i don’t have to try

Cause the most important stuff falls into my lap.

So in other news check the xanga for that. Retyping equals too much work? I equal lazy.

Sooo I will say that The Beatles and Avril Lavigne make everything better.

And fuck you thank you very much.

I realized tonight how many awesome amazing friends I have. And people I’m barely friends with that rock.

And a chick asked for my number tonight so I could pierce her naval. I think I’ve found my calling. =] lawl.

So here’s to Liz, Nate, Justin, Justin, Michelle, Chelsea, Chelsea, Elisa, Jason, Thomas, Nick, Nick, Ian, Laura, Laura, Andrew, Steph, Katie, Kasey, Thomas, Erin, Erin, Connor, Cory, Kenzi, Sarah, Wes, Carrie, Carrie, Abi, Erica, Sam, Mary, Desirae, Rachel, Wally, Ciera, Logan, and whoever else I’m forgetting because it’s a lot like Tabitha and Taylor and others.

I realize I only talk to some of these people in school, and some I just started talking to tonight or almost never talk to or just almost never anymore. But still it’s like these are people that I have shared some fraction of my life with.

No one is insignificant.

And I love everyone. =]

And everything’s peaches for now.

And I’ll worry someday far from now. And until then I’ll let things settle out.

When I stop worrying, everyone picks up the slack for me.

So start pulling your weight. I’m on break. šŸ˜‰

I = loser.

And that’s pretty cool… I guess. šŸ˜‰

at the very least watch the shins videos. THERES A PAPER COW!!! =]

Not great videos in ANY respect (or good sound quality… specially for the buzzcocks… but there are some songs me and chelsea have been listening to and I decided needed shared with the world to pick you up or make you wanna kill someone or… uhm…. shrugs). =]

The Shins – Pink Bullets

The Shins – Saint Simon

The Shins – New Slang

The Shins – Breathe (Pink Floyd cover that’s actually pretty sweet?)

The Buzzcocks – Orgasm Addict

Bodyjar – Not the Same

Oasis – Supersonic

Bayside – Duality

The Academy Is… – Slow Down

The Academy Is… – We’ve Got a Big Mess on Our Hands

This one makes me such more of a loser than I am but… Avril Lavigne – Girlfriend. =]

Ok Go – 1 Million Ways to be Cruel

you know you love it… CANDY MOUNTAIN CHARLIE!!!

Ok Go – Invicible!

Ok Go – Do What You Want (obnoxious makes you dizzy wallpaper included free of charge!)

Pink Floyd – Us and Them (everything else Pink Floyd and videoy is like fucking the track over a laser show… wtf)

Pink Floyd – The Great Gig in the Sky (ignore the video it’s kinda lame)

Pink Floyd – Echoes (pt 1)

Pink Floyd – Echoes (pt 2)

Pink Floyd – Echoes (pt 3)

I dyed my hair again. You can’t tell.

But I can. And I like it. =]

I’m considering black, but I don’t think I’ll go there.

Soooo kids for breakfast? Tasty tasty!

Yeah… I’m so fucking weird. I got it.

But unlike most of you other cunt-bags I’m not an insecure fuckhead. I know I’m pretty. I know I’m not fat. I’m opinionated and not afraid to tell you what’s in my head no matter WHAT the circumstance may be.

Whoa… De je vu to last year? Like a year ago EXACTLY?

Wtf… Weird. =/

Anyways, at least I have confidence in who I am.

I rarely doubt myself. In fact, the only thingĀ I ever really doubt is whether or not the people around me really care and that’s only because people are fake and I’ve been screwed over more times thanĀ I care to have been.

We all have our flaws and walls and defenses. But mine don’t scare me. I know I’m flawed. I’m human.

Seriously, I’m cool with it.

Everyone else: grow up and stop being in denial.

It’s unflattering really.

[so is being a cocky bitch sometimes… oh well! I love me. I really do.]

Someone decided it’d be nice to tell me all about her last night.

With everything else right now, I didn’t wanna hear that.

But I don’t suppose it matters.

it wants in its pants. i fucking get it!

Uhm ahem everyone I know that sucks, uhm, sucks.

Fuck you guys. Fuck everyone that’s wasted my time.

Seriously, the nights spent up until 3 am with Steph talking, or 4:30 am on the phone with Justin, or 6 am on the phone with Nate, or 7 am watching the Disney Channel with Carrie have been better than any other thing that you fuckheads ever did with me.

I don’t care to name names and don’t go assuming you know who I’m talking about because you’re retarded.

The Tempest is tomorrow and if you don’t go I’ll shoot you in the face. Or bitch slap you.


Who is this anonymous and why do they not leave a name?

[I should really go to be… I’ve been up for almost 22 hours…]

Happy 4/20? I didn’t celebrate. Fuck it.

The day started fantastically despite my computer being fucked in the ass.

However, quickly, it spiraled downwards and I became less happy at points.

I dunno where Carrie is now either.

But Justin came over at like 10:20 and left at midnight and Steph came over at like 11 and left at 3.

Life is a weird thing. I’m not sure how I feel right now.

blister in the sun

It’s on my iPod right now. Oh Jane’s Addiction, you’re wonderful.

In other news I had an epiphany of sorts that I must discuss wit the general public, but basically omfg I soo figured it out. And it’s truthfully kind of pathetic.

Like, she was right. More than I thought last night.

And oh man. She was right about the other thing too.

Now I need to be right about something… Maybe?

I’m soĀ strung out. I’m high as a kite. I just might stop to check you out.

cynacism and bitterness are great but…

Lying and driving around with Justin listening to Mandy Moore, Britney Spears, and shitty rap music is waaay better.

And then we picked up Miss Haley who’s company I’ve found I enjoy (everyone loves or hates her… oh my drama).

Yesterday was all ahh and today was all yessss!

And tomorrow is all chill and Friday is all… well you know. =] And Saturday is all baby-sit and be in a hot tub andĀ  get money and Sunday is all who knows and next week is all Spring Fest and next Wednesday is all youth group with Thomas! =]

Ā HOPEFULLY next Saturday (the 28th) is all Displace Me. Cross yo fingers guys!

Warped Tour is coming! And so are good things! I’m in such an amazing mood. =]

What a completely fantastic day.

i’m falling more in love with every single word you say

“Couldn’t hold a candle to ya babe.”

She was right. She has 5$ bet against me right now and I kinda hope she wins.

And you, well, you’re just adorable aren’t you? You both are. But mostly you.

I’m confusing. But by May 1st things will be happening.

That woman is so right it is not even funny (yes it is).

born at 11:38 pm April 16, 2007 [a dreardy monday night]

Meet Serenity.

It’s a shit picture, but I thought I owed you a glimpse of it at least. =]

Gooooooo or go ahead.

I’m done with drama please.

Just let me be me with the trees and the daisy petals with raindrops rolling into the green grass. Leave me to sway in the night air under the red sky and streetlights. Let me close my eyes and just listen to the sounds.

And she finally smiles. Don’t be sorry. Everything will be okay. At least for this breif moment in time… This moment I can sway and sink until I disappear.

Chelsea March: You are my hero.

And this afternoon when we really get to talk I’ll probably cry on you like I almost did on Nate last night.

Honestly, I’m just sick of fucked up things.

Time for something good to happen.

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