Archive for October, 2007

i’ll TELL you why…

I got a job. I cut my hair. I can predict everything you’ll say and do. I know what you have the balls to do and what you don’t have the balls to do.

I can’t stand school. I should’ve gone Friday. I have to stop calling off work. And carving pumpkins is more work than it should be sometimes. Being taped to chairs sucks but costume parties are fun… Till someone pulls the fire alarm. People that lie about cookies should be shot but people that order pizza and go out and buy breakfast rock. So do people that I fool in to letting me drive their cars and people who teach me to drive stick.

Accomplishment of the week is learning to drive a stick. Oh yeah. And shit.

But back to real matters… I guess to be completely honest the last two weeks [i.e. since my birthday] have been a blur of confusion and mixed signals and new people and clouds of smoke. And yes ladies and gents certain things DO affect the memory.

But food is here [Elisa’s houseeeeeee] so I must go eat. Till then loves.


i liked you better before you were naked on the internet

ZOMG fromfirsttolast.

Soo Cameron (Steph’s boyfriend) is here from New Jersey which is cool. He is a cool person.

Uhm and I’m all calm and relaxed and destressed from my bath.

Mrs. Gibson was talking to me about selling me her old van which would kinda sorta really rock. Very nice yeah?

Birthday in 3. Fuck yes. Liz tomorrow night. Octuba-how-the-fuck-ever-you-spell-it-fest Saturday. Number 12 show at Champ. on Saturday with Elisa. Sunday is muh birthday. Field of Screams too I think… Maybe. And license next week. And job.

Life is good.

BTW, I’m not naked on the internet, but I am nearly naked on the internet. =]

Adieu mon amies!

As teenagers we all have SOME amount of negative energy at least some of the time. I do too despite my best efforts to be positive. (That’s why I have the blog you see… This is a good way to vent my REALLY negative energy because I even try to keep my bitching at my friends upbeat.)

My house is falling the hell apart. Seriously. It’s pathetic. 6 months. The last 6 months have been great but terrible. My home life gets worse but my relationship with my friends gets better (probably become I depend on them like family).

Apparently, now is a fun time to tell me my father’s unemploment has run out. And has he even looked for another job yet? No. Has my mom tried to find a job (because there IS still stuff she can do, there’s even stuff she can do and keep her disability)? No. She’s busy playing the poor pitiful me card that she plays 24/7. (I know I used to do that 24/7 too and I still bitch but I’m not looking for pity. I bitch so that when I AM in a bad mood or having trouble with something simple, maybe everyone can understand why. Things are tough for me right now. That’s just how it is. We all have our crosses to bear though.)

She’s presumptious. Also something I’ve tried to change about me.

 Sometimes I wish she knew the half of what goes on. If she did, well, actually, I’d probably be in a mental ward somewhere because she’d think my behavior was “self destructive” and I guess to some extent it is [in the same way that people who do lots of drugs are being self destructive to an extent].

I destress. I have fun. I keep up with 95% of my work and I’m pulling almost straight A’s right now so I don’t want her crap. Plus, I’m doing the whole go to church and have a job thing on top of that now.

Time for the bitching to stop. I’ll be 17 in 4 days. I act more like an adult around here than anyone else (and that’s scary as shit).

No one around here can be responsible or organized or anything anymore. I might make stupid choices, but like I said, I’m keeping up with everything and trying to be happy most of the time. And I feel like I have been. Yes, when I’m at home, I usually feel like shit and it will be reflected when I’m talking to you. That’s just how it works. I’m not going to pretend to be happy if I’m not.

But usually I am. I’ve said more than once lately that I’m not ready for this, that or the other thing (relating to death or suicide or an end in some sarcastic way) because I’m having too much fun living. That’s true. Even with the drama (which I have, thank God, minimilized this year) I’m happy.

But I wish I could move out.

Life is not funny right now. Like seriously I wish I could begin to explain what shit this is.

To top it all off not only did I only sleep an hour and a half last night but now I can’t fucking sleep. What the slut?

 I fucking hate everybody.

First I find it neccesary to address that two very similar bulletted lists made on blogs of various host sites by two people at the time. Here’s to Connor and Jason who are more alike than they’ll ever admit and at the same time two of the most polar opposite people I’ve ever met. And yes, while I despise you both and you’re both assholes to me, I love you both as well.

Now on to the important things…

1) My birthday is in 5 days [bitch].

2) I get my license like, next week? Yeah. What now.

3) I getted me a job cause I is the shit.

4) I bullshit 2,000 word essays in half an hour. I am the shit. (Proper grammar is only right when referencing an english paper.)

5) My dad is sitting behind me playing the sexy guitar. I want its body.

6) Staying out till 4 am and only getting an hour and a half of sleep sucks, but sometimes is TOTALLY worth it.

7) That hit and get like choked unconscious (or nearly so in my case) thing really DOES give you a head trip. Wowzas.

8) Being spun in a spinny chair and covered in seran wrap is actually great fun.

9) Sweat pants ARE God. I don’t care who you are.

10) God is also God and he gets mad when you fuck up. Eek.

11) Not everyone sucks. Take Brian O’Grady for example. He’s one of only a handful of male things that I consider decent. He is as a brother to me. And he gets more pissed about certain incidents than me. Oh gosh. And he lets me harass him at work.

12) IT’S AFTER NINE AND I DECLARE IT NO MORE HOMEWORK TIME! (Fuck my gov. essay. I can’t will myself. Sorry.)

Time to go make fun phone calls and paint my nails and read and put shit on my face to make my skin nicer. Yihoo!

screams, “to hell with you”

I’m having a good life. My birthday is in a week and I get my license in less than 2 weeks.

I’ve come to find over the last few days several things. [I will list 3 because, honestly, I feel like it.]

1: 99% of the world is comprised of selfish assholes. Grow up.

2: Me being opionated and saying what’s on my mind and doing what I want has a habit of making people mad at me. I consider other people’s feelings more than most people I know though. Seriously, what the fuck you guys. Don’t take advantage of people’s good nature.

3: At least half the guys that hit on me have girlfriends. Seriously. I was in Newville this weekend and both the guys that kissed me had girlfriends and the other ones that hit on me, most of them had girlfriends. I can only think of 2 who didn’t. What the fuck. Honestly.

Tis all a little ridiculous. This whole life thing.

But I’m honestly happy most of the time anymore. Sure, I get down and I have my bad days. I still choose not to hide that. But when you see me being happy NOW, 9 out of 10 times it’s not fake happy. It’s real.

It’s me. I’m amusing and charming and grounded and a little conceited (better than having no self esteem) and somewhat cynical and bitter sometimes. I’m just me. I like me.

The rest of you can such my metaphorical cock.

So I was gonna go apply at Bath and Body Works and then BAM! I get a call for an interview. Tuesday. Go me and getting a job! And since B&BW is hiring for 10 hour weeks right now I might just get ballsy and see how I can handle 2 jobs (touche non?).

 Anyways that put me in a pretty damn good mood. Yay moneys.

Plus, my birthday is in 10 days. Everyone get me presents!! =D

 [hugs, cookies, yummy snacks, funny drawings all count as birthday presents. I LIKE ME THE HUGZEZ!]

jerk, way to go along with the crowd

Sometimes bad things happen and it takes a while for them to hit you. David being dead. That hit me yesterday and I really couldn’t say anything about it. No one I knew has ever died before and it’s… really weird. But on to other matters…

I’m not dead. No one ate bad peanut butter. Please refrain from standing in my backyard and trying to find the plot I’m buried under. And yes, they ARE assholes that will one day be hit by cars.

[Hey five or so friends I JUST made fun of, I love you.]

and there’s nothing you can hide

You know, yesterday was a damn shitty start to October. It makes you wonder why bad things happen to good people and why some people just go through life unaffected by EVERYTHING (you know who I mean… the people that act like total hard asses about everything).

I have some strong words for some people right now that I am currently choosing to keep to myself. Mostly because I’m really too sick to waste my energy on any more conflicts than needed. [Where have I been the last 2 days? Home with a fever. I might go to the doctor tomorrow. I don’t know yet.]

Meanwhile, I… I don’t know. There’s really 20 thousand things in my head that I can’t organize right now. Mostly, I’m sick and stressed and tired and I feel like an idiot but that’s another subject for another time.