Archive for February, 2008

boule de cristal meth

Crystal Meth Becomes the Rockstar. (Malajube song.)

I goggled the name to find the lyrics and came across some interesting things.  For example, you can’t find a DIRECT translation in English because Malajube won’t translate their songs to English (French nazis? mais d’accord!).

I also found this and found it amusing… Long live blogging and people who enjoy to blog.

“This afternoon, I was told I really should stop asking everyone I meet if they have ADD, or if they have access to Adderall just because they are in college and insured. Apparently it’s creepy.”

Malajube is on my myspace. Don’t count on it staying there.


to see you, to touch you, to feel you, to tell you…

I just slept from almost 6am to just after 8:30 pm.

Guess all that not sleeping caught up with me… 0.0

What’s holding you down? Hey!

You make me twist and

I was just a piece of eye candy they turned into an all day sucker. =X

[What’s so addictive about Ima Robot really?]

{I listen to them and I’m hot. Dig, bitch?}



Mom: Have you been up all night?
Me: M’hm!
Mom: You’ve gotta stop doing that. How can you stay up all these nights like that? My God…
Me: Your daughter’s a zombie vampire. I need no food or sleep. Just caffeine and myspace.
Mom: O.o

And rightfully so. I’m a little bit weird… Especially if it’s 5 am and you’re unfortunate enough to have just woken up. My sleep has gone from a healthy 10 hours a night to I’m lucky if I pass out for 2-5 hours every 2 or 3 days. But that’s okay with me. I like being awake too. =]

our mother shoulda just named you laika

When daddy comes home
you always start a fight
so the neighbors can dance
in police disco lights.

Now the neighbors can dance.

The next time I get upset about something and then let the stupid things other people do while I’m upset further upset me, remind me that everyone in my immediate life and that’s why I have the other people who jump in to my rescue in times like those (+Tabitha who IS in my life BIG time but is also in Alabama, ya know?).

You don’t know what love is.

dude you need to get more time and play on my server

I forgot Heather McNeil played WoW till she IMed me a few minutes ago.

Aww I do miss her. ❤

And Warcrack.

what would she say if she knew you were doing this?

She’d tell me no matter how bad things felt that they were going to get better. I just had to wait. And even though waiting was hard, it’d pay off. She’d tell me good things wouldn’t matter in life if we didn’t go through bad things too. She’d play a song for me and tell me to go write and draw more and come back when I had something really good to show her. She’d be sweet and remind me how sweet and young and smart I was.

I miss you. I hope you made it to heaven okay.

No one really knows about you, you know. I don’t bring you up… not to ANYONE. But I guess I’ve been pushing back the memory of losing you. But I need you again now. I’m losing it again. I’m crazy. (If you were crazy you wouldn’t know it. No I am crazy and I do know it, actually.)

You’d know exactly what to say to me. You’d know how to make it all better.

Why did you have to go?

If you were still here I wouldn’t have done drugs. I wouldn’t have let myself be used. I wouldn’t have left school. I would’ve stayed grounded and focused. You would’ve stopped me. I know you and you would’ve known what was going on before I even did it. You would’ve stopped it. You would’ve stopped all of it.

I needed you, and then you were gone. And now you’re probably looking down on me shaking your head at all I’ve done. I know you’d be disappointed in me. I know I would’ve let you down.

I try not to think about you anymore. It hurts me. I never got to say goodbye to you. Do you know what that’s like? Even the worst things from my childhood I’ve been able to talk about, though reluctantly and this is the FIRST time I’ve been able to bring any of this up.

Did you know my mom thinks we just lost touch? She has no idea. I didn’t wanna believe it and I still don’t.

But this is the worst I’ve felt in years, honestly, and you’re the only one who would know just what to say to make it all better.

Why can’t you be here? Why are you gone? Why?

the iPod, the iTunes, Pink Floyd

Clueless: party of one.

I still think unfaithful things have been going on behind my back. Despite blogging about that like MAYBE 10 hours ago, if not less, the post is already several behind… -.- And thus the cycle of short meaningless blog posts to keep me awake and mildly sane for now continue.

You shout in your sleep.
Perhaps the price is just too steep.
Is your conscience at rest
If once put to the test?
You awake with a start
To just the beating of your heart.
Just one man beneath the sky,
Just two ears, just two eyes.

You set sail across the sea
Of long past thoughts and memories.
Childhood’s end, your fantasies
Merge with harsh realities.
And then as the sail is hoist,
You find your eyes are growing moist.
All the fears never voiced
Say you have to make your final choice.

Who are you and who am I
To say we know the reason why?
Some are born; some men die
Beneath one infinite sky.
There’ll be war, there’ll be peace.
But everything one day will cease.
All the iron turned to rust;
All the proud men turned to dust.
And so all things, time will mend.
So this song will end.

meet me at my window.

Why is Andrew McMahon so amazing? So many reasons I couldn’t tell you. Favorite.

“Tell me the story about the pot cookies.” “I don’t really remember it.” “Aww…”

I had forgotten about the post I wrote about seeing Jack’s Mannequin and going to Washington, DC until I came across it last night. And in such a fashion also came across this…

“I had 4 pot cookies. I gave one to Jay Mac. I had 3 pot cookies left. And I ate them. This story has no relevance what-so-ever except to inform you that I may still be a little bit stoned.”

There you have it. THAT was the story we were told as I remembered it a day or two later while posting on my blog undoubtedly late at night. Man… Damn. =] Still my all time favorite person/musician/survivor/hero.

blogging is like a drug

This morning the addiction is fed by discoveries.

1: I’m not black at all anymore. Nope. Apparently I’m some kinda French-Mexican Indian (Native American… whatevs).

2: I’m also the same amount Creole. Fancy that.

3: Me, miss I’m just really German and I don’t know what else, I’m like a quarter Scotts-Irish.

4: When the fuck did I download anything by Victor Wooten and put it on my iTunes? I don’t remember this ever being here. Go figure me.

5: Being raised by hippies totally turns you into one.

These are my most recent and horribly fascinating discoveries. I would make people proud of me for them. I can think of a person for each. Too bad they’re all asleep/at school/unknown at the moment.

I made my mom cry because I hate the way my dad acts. And she started drinking at 8 in the morning.

Now like 3 of my favorite Phish songs cannot be located? Seriously iTunes?

I see how today’s gonna go and I’m not real happy…

-.- Everyone’s so ghey…

Can I live while I’m young?


I can’t find the love I want.

I cannot ever fucking sleep anymore.
Hours on end of RHCP and music taking me through various intense emotional cycles.

Some better slap me
Before I start to rust
Before I start to decompose…

Sitting in my kitchen, hey girl
I’m turning into dust again
My melancholy baby
The star of mazzy must
Push her voice inside of me
I’m overcoming gravity
I’m overcoming gravity
It’s easy when you’re sad to be
It’s easy when you’re sad, sad like me

Just one note
Could make me float
Could make me float away
One note from
The song she wrote
Could fuck me where I lay
Just one note
Could make me choke
One note that’s
Not a lie
Just one note
Could cut my throat
One note could make me die

Did you hear? He fucked her. [Well I guess this is growing up.]

And while my creepy mess of a father lies on the couch upstairs, passed out and drunk, I slink back into the cold quiet of my room and pick apart my face and my ego while I think of him with her.

“But I’m mean you don’t think he’d do that right? I mean, I would, but I don’t know him so I can’t tell you. But you trust him right?”

Have I been cheated on? Well, wouldn’t it be nice if I could say that I knew for sure the answer was no.

Worse yet, it bothers me more that I would be lied to about it than it actually happening. If it happened and I was told, I’d probably shrug and ask for a cigarette.

And I’ll smile and you’ll wave. We’ll pretend it’s okay.
Well I guess this is growing up.


I put a new page up. You’re welcome.

this is why im hot

No explanation required, bitches.

I mean, like, have you seen me lately? Daaammnnn.

i dont mind, i dont care, as long as youre here. go ahead and tell me youll leave again…

I’ve been trying to see clearly what sorts of things lie ahead for me and trying to make plans. And why have I just not cared? Why have I let things be fucked up and just linger?

In the back of my mind, in the darkest corners where I shove everything I need to repress to stay “happy”, I’ve found a reason…

There’s nothing more I’d like to do tonight that take the car out, get really wasted, tell everyone I love them, snap my phone shut, and, listening to something horribly cliche like Muse or something, go down a windy back road doing like 120 and wrap my car (MY car, not the buick…) around a tree.

What the fuck. That’s really fucked up because I really DON’T want to die. I’m happy… aren’t I?

Maybe there’s a reason I don’t care about being used as much, or doing drugs, or getting caught taking cars out at 2:30 am… Maybe there’s a reason I haven’t eaten or slept for two days.

This is fucking bogus. I feel like I’m having a fucking teenage crisis.

Fuck me… Don’t pay attention. This was just a fucked up thought that went through my head. I won’t act on it.

(Well I might take the car out at night and listen to Muse, but I’ll try not to die.)

and if you ever said you missed me then don’t say you never lied

Brand New is playing at Dickinson in March. I went to see Jack’s Mannequin and they were a new favorite then. Brand New has recently become my obsession, and now this? I’m fucking magic, bitch.

So I went for a drive down some random ass back country roads with Steph last night and THAT felt good as hell. Just driving and jamming to Brand New, The Bravery, and that band whose name I forget, for an hour. I’m a very vury good driva (it’s like diva but while driving, dig?).

I also snuck out last night (yay me! I’ve missed doing that…) because my parents were treating me like a 5 year old (oh cycles of my life that repeat, how I really didn’t miss you at all…). I wasn’t going to come home… I’m glad I decided to be more rational that that.

I’ve been up all night now. (Ah, sigh… Breath deep the smell of caffeine and amphetamines. Sigh, twitch, fuss and fray at your own nerves, and feel the aching in your heart from the emotional and chemical strains you’ve put on it and pray that you won’t over do it this time and wind up a convulsing spastic mess in a dark, icy alley anytime soon.)

Leave me alone. It’s nothing serious… ***Muse***

I’ve been in a horribly self servant, bitchy, cynical mood. Like, I kinda don’t care who gets hurt suddenly as long as I get mine. This is very dangerous. Now I will be out all night drinking and sneaking out and driving and God (and me) knows what else and just… Someone stop me. (You can’t stop me. Only I can do that, and while I know I should, and probably easily could, I can’t deal with the pains of rejection and feeling inadequate so I’ll go into my deep denial about it in this fashion and not change. I don’t want to anymore. This is the mindset of coke fiends and whores I’d imagine. Let’s hope my common sense kicks in quicker than that. Well… the whore part. If I end up doing copious amounts of cocaine and drugs, well hey, life was fun while it lasted.) 

And there’s still nothing you can do…

Is that what you call tact?
You’re as subtle as a brick
in the small of my back…

Never gonna get it right,
you’re never gonna get it…

This is so messed up…

and hope theres ice on all the roads.

Die. Just choke and fucking die.

Back to spending nights in smoky dimly lit apartments in the corner in silence thinking uncomfortable thoughts. Unnoticed. What a surprise?

Why did life pick tonight to hold me on trial and execute me?

Well if these are the new settings of life, I choose death.

Been listening to way too much Brand New. Watching too many movies. Drinking too much. Been far too uneasy and picking everything apart. I’m completely out of control.

Get me out of here.

This is so messed up…

Best friends means friends forever… =X

I fucking get it, okay?!

I’m hot. That doesn’t mean you have to use me. You don’t have to use me for drugs and alcohol either when you find out about them.

I AM hot but I’m a lot of other things too damnit. I think I’m funny (I don’t care if no one else does). I’m smart. I’m fucking insane (I’m a 17 year old girl, what do you expect?). I’m an artist and a musician.

Compliments on my body are great. I do, believe it or not, struggle with the way I look still. (I know… I play it off like I don’t. I’m a FANTASTIC liar too.) Compliments on the non physical appearance things are much better.

I’m sick of feeling like I’m being used.

Doesn’t anybody ever call or text or wanna hang out just to talk anymore?

Guess not…  =/

I am invincible as long as I’m alive…


Vodpod = gaying it up on this computer.

Go to my myspace.
Go to my videos.
Watch the newest one.

Pics on here like tomorrow or some shit.

And if you like the pics, you’ll like the video even more. =P

you’re like a techno porn star

Stayed over at Laura’s last night. =D That was hella fun.

So is the newest video… TRUST me. Coming to a computer near you in a few short hours.

Until then, I leave you to your own devices.

Oh, and for those of you who missed it (everyone but me? yes?) The Breakfast Club was on today.

Also, I don’t feel very good.

viva cuervo

Soo… Oops with the whole not getting home till 2:38 thing…

So it’s not such a good day all day right? I mean, I’m really having a pretty awful time in general. Then I get a text from Caleb and long story short Britany’s in town and do I wanna meet her? Well talk about asking a stupid question.

So him and her and Hambone and Gnome are all in the car that goes drivey drive drive to my house. We go back to Phil and Caleb’s apartment and everyone’s doing shots. And at some point some guy named Brad’s there. He’s not relevant to this story.

Anywho! So I’m like “no, no shots for Sarah… have to be home and face mom” etc etc and it’s like just after 9 and I’m supposed  to be back here at 11 (and I’m just by the square in the apartments over the coffee shop [where I saw Gus in the window by the way] so no biggee). I dunno what these crazy mother fuckers are drinking but I’ve heard enough stories to know it’s something that’ll fuck you right up.

Eventually, Britany passes off a shot to me anyways because hey, I just met her and so I have to. Well, I like alcohol and once the shot was in my hand I’ll be damn if I was gonna argue. Bam! Down goes a shot of Jack Daniels, which I’d never had before.

So I’m all warm and it goes STRAIGHT to my head, I feel it like instantly. And I’m thinking, ok, now I had a shot.

Then comes one of those everyone has to take a shot things or other and I get handed another shot which I was GOING to make Caleb drink and then it was just “oh fuck it” in my head. I’m half laying on this chair, and bam! Down goes another shot… A few drops go in my hair and onto my neck… Oops.

So that one was Jose Cuervo. It goes down smoother than the Jack but makes me have a teensy widdle cough.

Now I can feel my head being funny, but I haven’t moved much so I’m not feeling it. About, probably 10 minutes later we get up and WABAM! Guess who falls on the floor?

I was informed I was drunk. Which I didn’t believe at first. But it became increasingly obvious that I was saying stupid things and falling when I tried to walk. Even after drinking stupid 90 proof schnapps I wasn’t falling.

But this was two shots of hard liquor. Guess that was a new experience for me… Two shots gets Sarah falling down drunk. Spread the news.

But I felt goooooood. I’ve decided Jack is grand and tequila is the SHIT (I think it was Cuervo… but I can’t be sure…).

I also officially deem myself NOT a chick drinker for thoroughly enjoying the two shots I took and not making faces.

Put that one in your pipe and smoke it.

I sobered up quite a bit and turned my phone back on and walked home in the snow. I claimed I fell asleep, blah blah blah innocent blah. I don’t think I’m really in much trouble and they have no idea I was drinking, so hurrah.

On the downside, I do have a bit of a headache and my stomach isn’t sitting so well (drinking on empty… yummy) but it was waaay worth it.

Remind me to apologize tomorrow for being an annoying drunk… Although, actually, I was pretty quiet around everyone. I was tired and just kinda sat/laid/sprawled on the living room floor once I was drunk… *shrugs*

Anywho, those were MY adventures. Enjoy your two hour delay and mossibly snow day tomorrow, kiddies. You’ve earned it. (Maybe.)

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