Archive for November, 2008

oh shit! we’re still in maryland aren’t we?

Justin, aka my adopted brother, picked me up at 10:30 pm and returned me home at 3:30 am. What did we fill those 5 hours with? I’ll tell you…

We drove to Sheetz for water [Justin likes to be amusing and so he bought us evians] then got high. We drove into Holly and out route 94 [I think?] south and onwards and onwards….

Long stories short we went to Maryland and through into Virginia then back up to DC and back home. Only stops we made? A 7-11 in Thurmont and a Sheetz on the way back near the Mason-Dixon line. Then again at Sheetz on the pike in Carlisle before I got dropped off.

We talked a lot and came to a lot of amazing realizations. We also decided we rock. And such. And being alive is amazing. Mostly for us because we’re both good people who find beauty in strange and small things. And cause we can sit in his little BMW and drive to Virginia in the middle of the night for no reason singing along to Michelle Branch and Phish and Better Than Ezra and ridiculous shit.

Justin is my best friend without a doubt. I’ve known him for twelve years. We’ve never liked each other and we’re closer to each other than probably anyone else. Period. It’s pretty cool.

When we hit Pennsylvania we stopped in the middle of the highway since there was no traffic to take a picture of the sign. It was fun. Then right after we got off onto the two lane part of 94 16 or so miles outside of Carlisle Justin turns to me and says “you feel like driving?”

The answer was no. I was high. But he’d been driving for hours and obviously didn’t feel like driving so I drove Leopold [that’s the little 130i BMW’s name] into Holly and down that stupid road into Boiling Springs except we turned down Zion Road or what the shit ever and then onto Petersburg and across and up and to Claremont and Harmony Hall and to Sheetz blah blah blah.

We switched drivers again when Justin got gas and then we went through the car wash. TRI-COLOR FOAM IS AMAZING!

So now here I sit. I have to put some finishing touches on my room. Then I shall paint. Then I shall drive somewhere [maybe]. Need a shower too…

I can’t believe it’s the last two days of break. I’ve gotten no work done and I’m so not done having an amazing time. I’ve loved this break. To death. The whole thing, basically, has been one great thing. I’ve had awesome times with amazing people and I got my room cleaned finally.

Life has been on the upswing ever since I decided to go back to school and started trying to be a more responsible person. It’s truly paid off. Things just keep getting better. I keep waiting for that trent to end and life to be mediocre or bad, but it hasn’t. Sure I have the occasional bad day/experience but who doesn’t?

I know I’m finally living life right and I feel amazing. Always. I’ve never been this happy in my entire life. And for what reason? Because I’m me and I’m alive. That’s it. I’m just always happy. Fucking A man…

I kinda feel bad for the rest of humanity because I know most of them will never know this true simple happiness. They’ll just know bitterness working for survival and sure some good times, but they’ll mostly be worriers and fretters and stressed out.

I wish I could share this feeling with the world. Forever.

the immature ranty post

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I hate you. You are acting like a miserable fucking cunt. I cannot believe that after everything and all that “I’m so proud of you” bullshit you would get THIS mad at me and tell me I can’t admit when I make a mistake after YOU cancelled my plans with my sister. I may have made plans to see Twilight with Carrie last night but I TOLD you I would still go with Amy and you told me I wasn’t allowed. And that was fine then cause she was gonna find someone else to go with her. So I made other plans. But today when she can’t find someone else it’s all my fault and I blew her off even though I said yesterday I’d still go and said today I’d cancel my plans and go with her.

FUCK YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH.

And yes, ranting like this is very immature. But it’s also the reason I’m typing it and not saying any of it to you. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

I haven’t been this mad at someone for almost a full month. Last time I was this pissed ties were permanently severed so I guess it’s a good thing you’re my mom.

You’re also lucky the car is still parked outside and I can control my actions. Some of us can keep our tempers under control though to those things and situations they don’t pertain to. I’m not gonna take off just because I’m pissed but I’m not talking to you either until I get an apology unless I have to. Will I probably retract that decision? Yes. Is it immature? Yes. Am I going to talk to you anymore today? Probably not.

Fucking bitch… I’m so mad right now…

here’s to sharing “secrets”

And continuing to hide the truth.
Cheers.

turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream

There are puppets on TV, Phish and The Beatles and The Shins playing through my speakers, and I smell boy on my clothes.

I am strangely content.

oh fuck. some things really never will change.

School. Right now all I wanna do is say to hell with it and sleep all day tomorrow. Why? I fucked off today and did 0 out of my 60 notecards, meaning I have that ahead of me tonight before I get to bed. Ironically, I’m really not tired at all. Two hours of sleep later and I’m just hyper as fuck. I also can’t stop myself from fucking rambling so this seemed the safest outlet to just let my incoherence and babbling out at.

My fucking cat has taken up residence in the very center of my bed. She is just laying there like princess of the fucking palace on MY electric blanket. Isabelle, I know you can’t read, but you are a┬ábelligerent┬ácunt and you have my closest source of warmth. That’s fucked up cat. At least do something useful with your days if you’re gonna take my blanket, like learn to cook for me or get up and change the channel on the TV or STOP RUNNING THE FUCK UPSTAIRS LIKE A D-BAG. Seriously, this cat acts like a clingy emotional girlfriend. /sigh

Fucking, the cord on my keyboard isn’t quite long enough to lean comfortably on my bed and type with it. I don’t know how many people have seen the kooky PC set up in my room, but it’s kinda like WTF MAN. There’s my bed right? And my nightstand. Then a chest next to that. So my tower [aka the actual PC] is on the chest. Then the monitor takes up almost my whole nightstand. My mouse hangs out on the corner of that, usually with some empty Mt. Dew cans and my cell phone. Then my keyboard chills on top of my monitor until I need it. This means when I use my computer I am hunched up on the end of my bed with the pillow with the keyboard on my lap. It’s kinda like “WTF Sarah? Why don’t you just have a normal set up?” Well I find chairs uncomfortable. I got too used to laptops and being without mine now this was the closest I could come. I love my bed.

Right now I am leaning against a corner that is cushioned by pillows galore and my keyboard is just chilling in a comfy position. South Park is on and I can’t stop thinking about these damn notecards I have to fucking do.

On another note, I better not have fucking a lot of homework tomorrow. It’s Carrie’s damned fucking birthday and I have to give a stupid speech in Civics already. I mean it’s me! I don’t do speeches! But there’s that Iowa or whatever kid. His hair distracts me. I guess that could be a relief.

See right now twenty thousand little thoughts are in my head and most of them don’t belong there. They are persistent and unwelcome, like my mind has been infected by a virus.

You know I just looked at my research rubric. Missing 25 out of 200 points for not having my notecards is a lot but at the same time I kind of don’t care. I think I’ll just finish those civics worksheets in study hall tomorrow [I forgot all about them til I came across them] (btw, video games commercial, mustang. I have to say it whenever I see one) then make like a notecard for my speech. Then I’ll start my other notecards on index cards. Another computer malfunction. Right on Sarah. High five. I can get some sleep.

I’m still not tired though. One thing is half on my mind. Wondering whether or not I really think what I think I think, any of it, and why the fuck I’m so annoying today but why I will still push a link to this post into the world so that public can read my sleep deprived and insane rantings. I sound fucking strung out and I’m really just tired as shit. Last night was insane. Tonight was fun. Today was… It was Sunday. I don’t do shit on Sundays. Let’s keep it that way.

Mondays are almost always good though. I will hold on to that. And it’s Carrie’s birthday. And I will hang out with both Chelsea’s this week and apply for a job. And if I can’t make my mind virus go away I will pour all of my energy into my research paper.

[No I won’t. But if I were smart, I would. Rather, as much as I’m being driven crazy, my mind hasn’t functioned anything close to this in years and while it’s fucking shitty it’s also kind of amazing in a weird nostalgic young process but modified to a more mature state way. I’m incoherent.]

Why was that long string in brackets? I’m ranting. Just fucking ranting.

I’m gonna sleep in my car some night. Me, my car, a shit ton of blankets and pillows.

Fireworks. I want fireworks. Fucking New Year’s Eve man. The silhouettes of bare trees against the black midnight sky lit up by all those fucking expensive ass multi-colored fireworks. Everyone stands outside freezing their asses off but it’s just kind of okay. And it should snow this year.

I want to get drunk with really cool people, or just drink enough to be warm, and go out right before midnight. I wanna be all bundled up so that just the tip of my nose gets cold while I hold that red plastic cup with my mix drink. I wanna have a little hat and a scarf and possibly even little gloves. I wanna scream, count down the seconds until 2009 is officially here. Then, when midnight hits, I wanna be with someone, whoever that someone is, male, female, or otherwise at that point in my life. I want everyone there to be with someone, or just with amazing friends and happy [but I wanna be with someone]. I want the whole moment to be one of those perfect warm fuzzy apple cidery peach cobblery sweet moments. Then when all those goofy fireworks are done, I want it to snow. Just a nice, soft, quiet fluffy snow. I wanna stay wherever I am, drink a cup of cocoa, and fall asleep is who ever’s arms. Everyone falls asleep smiling and everyone wakes up, well possibly hungover, but still happy none the less.

Things have been getting better and better lately. I hope they continue on that trend.

I feel like I shouldn’t broadcast this post to the public. It’s insane. I’m going to bed.

amen.

I feel like a lot of people don’t understand how I can call dropping of out school a mistake that I don’t regret. Well, this person obviously does…

postcard

Yay postsecret. :]