Archive for October, 2009

but maybe i’m just losing my mind

I don’t know what to do anymore. I spend my Saturday night crying, then getting better, going out with the girls, only to spend the rest of the night with someone I care for deeply with alcohol poisoning puking half in a bucket, half on me, and asking me what the fuck I wanted every time I tried to rouse him from an unconscious state. They wanted to leave him asleep on his back before he’d had a chance to puke so I made two of his friends help me sit him up and get him to puke and later another one to help me flip him on his side in case he puked again in his sleep.

My heart was broken. Not only by that action but that we’d been in a fight before I’d seen him like that and because of allegations that he’d kissed another girl when I wasn’t there. That’s still something no one is sure of. After promising me he wouldn’t get drunk and flirt with other girls, it’s something that still makes me tear up and get sick at my stomach to think about.

The next morning when I finally heard from him, it wasn’t a remorseful apologetic person who felt bad he may have kissed another girl and over what he did. Rather, it was anger. Through me crying and choking and gasping for air, there was anger. That possibly hurt more than anything else. There was also the wondering over whether or not to work things out.

As far as I know most of the misdirected still drunk anger has been set aside, but the debate about pushing on with things is still hanging in the air, and not on my end of things.

However in a twist of events over the course of typing this, said person is on his way here, so I guess it’s time to go prepare for the worst.

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neglect?

Yes, in the recent year or so passed I have much neglected this blog with the exception of times with Dave on his laptop when typing was more comfortable than curling up awkwardly on my bed with my desktop’s keyboard. By the way, why do I use my right pinky when typing but I always have my left one up? Awkward? Who cares.

As one may predict, I have my own laptop again. A toshiba this time. So far the satellite is kicking my old inspiron’s ass.

I don’t have much to say now… Probably won’t for a while. But I’d like to get back into the habit of blogging. Mostly as a a means of getting rid of all the awkward things piled up around my brain. There’s a lot of clutter to get out but I have two papers and college apps and personalizing of this laptop and cleaning and ten hundred other things to do first. It’s pretty bad how much work is piling up around me and how much keeps getting put off.

I don’t wanna think about it.